Natural, Natural, NATURAL!! Emmry's Birth PART ONE

Ah, I had so many things running through my head before I entered the hospital doors to be induced on September 15th. Will I deliver her vaginally? Will she be cute? I've always been scared of creating an ugly kid! Will Chase be okay? My sister was in town helping with him, and I missed him! Will she be big enough?- they kept telling me she was measuring small, but that could just be my size/stature. Will I give in and not go with my pain management plan? 


My palms are getting sweaty, I'm shaky and my face is turning red, yet no ones even around. I'm getting nervous thinking about typing this.Yeah, that probably sounds crazy to you, I know. I've been putting  my blogging off because I'm scared to face this again, I feel as if I'm in a different world. I haven't had my breakdown quite yet.


So. I went into the hospital at about 6pm to be induced. I've heard lots of things about inductions like they're more painful etc. Well I'm not using pain medication, I'm not being induced by pitocin. I'm going 100% natural!!  I'd be using a fulley bulb which is basically a cath balloon they stick up into your cervix and fill with saline(salt water) to open you up and dilate. 


Call it God working in a crazy wonderful way, call it luck or a coincidence, I don't care, but I walked into that hospital and started feeling contractions, shrugged it off because I thought it was just my nerves making me think that. Nope. They hooked me up to monitors, got an Iv line started (even though I was going natural that was one mandatory thing) They kept asking if I felt my contractions and I barely did. They said honey your having strong contractions, I said oh, well I didn't know if that's what they felt like. I'm sounding completely foolish I know, but I NEVER experienced real labor with Chase, or baby girl yet. They checked me and I was already at a 2! Which was amazing to me, I hadn't dilated at all before, because my cervix kept re closing.



The nurses told me she was ready tonight and kept asking if I was supposed to be there- I kept saying in my head well, duh lady I'm being induced...I guess she thought I had gone into labor already, because either way the baby was ready induction or not. But because this was my first vaginal birth they said it'd be awhile before she arrived.Mike and I packed all our bags a few weeks ago and had them packed in the truck for every visit just in case. BUT he forgot extra cash at home...so he said he needed to "quickly" go home and get it and shower and he'd be back soon- if you don't know this our house is 2 hrs and fifteen mins from the hospital!! 


 They decided I was progressing good on my own and they'd try the fulley bulb to see if that'd get things going fast! Boy did it!! Not thirty mins after they put it in me- I very embarrassingly asked the nurses to check it, because I felt I had wet myself- my water broke and they were super shocked. The fulley bulb rarely works this fast on anyone they commented. That baby wants out! 


So after my water had broke, I felt more intense pain and I wasn't getting any relief.I knew one thing, I wanted a VBAC. Every time I had a contraction I'd breath through it and focus on the positive. I firmly believe pain is in your head- it's what you make it. I hate needles, yet I have two tattoos and donate blood almost annually, so I knew if I could do those things I could have a kid like God planned for me.


I distracted myself enough until Mike got back about 4hrs later- he hurried major once I called him and told him about my water breaking! I was progressing once he got back, but slowly. I remember Mike was so tired, he had just worked that morning before my appointment, drove the 2 hrs and 15 mins to the appt, than a total of 4 hrs again! He was exhausted so all he wanted to do when he got back was crash, that he did! 


Every contraction was more and more intense and every time they checked me I was further and further. My body slowed down on contractions enough for me to get some rest that night- it's like my body knew exactly what was needed to be done. I woke with more and more intense contractions and would grunt and moan through them holding onto the bedside. The nurse walked in to do my vitals and asked my husbands name- I growled out Mike for the millionth time( I had been trying to wake him for the past few hours) She yelled Mike- he instantly shot up. She said wake up- your wife's doing this without any support, he pulled a chair to the bedside and held my hand. It was reassuring, knowing that he was exhausted but still managed to wake up just to hold my hand. 


The next time the nurse checked me I think I was at 8 cm, and it was about ten am. I rapidly dilated, and soon after called the nurse because I was feeling major pressure like I needed to push! She looked and I saw a worried-some face. She said sweetie, her heads right here. I remembered asking if she had hair and she told me she did!! One question that was wondering through my head was now answered- ah, the excitement! Good thing I packed bows, and barrettes. 


The hospitals that are bigger around here have these pager type things that you can call the doctor or any medical personnel from, they wear them around there neck and you say the name and the person eventually responds. I think its called a vocera. (here it is) 

The Vocera Voice Communication Badge is a lightweight voice-activated device which allows individuals or groups to communicate with each other using a 802.11 (Wi-Fi) wireless network. 

The badge works anywhere covered by the Medical Center's wireless network.  This includes wireless networks at remote sites such as West Palm Beach, Naples, Deerfield Beach, etc. 

The badge weighs about 2 ounces, is 4.2" long by 1.4" wide, and is worn around the neck with a lanyard, clipped to a jacket lapel or shirt pocket, or attached to one's belt with an ear piece and microphone attached to it.  

The badges are voice activated and recognize your speech patterns.  The communication system can easily learn heavily accented speech patterns.  Users are set up in functional groups so that organizations can be contacted instead of having to know the names of each individual.

Well my nurse tried calling the doctor to tell her I was ready to push, in the meantime since this was my first vaginal delivery she figured I could go ahead and push when needed. I did, and she kept trying to recall the doctor on the vocera and it just wasn't finding the doctor. She told me after 2 pushes I needed to stop and kept looking at the vitals screen. The doctor walked in finally and I yelled I needed to push!! She said go ahead and push, I did. She (Dr.) looked at the screen again and said okay one more time- this push I remember  the spirits of the nurses/doctor and Mike being very high they said she was coming out easily and push hard one more time. I did. With all my might I guess, because I remember blacking out for a few seconds and coming back. When I came back the nurses were turning me on each side and frantically running around.

Jessica, Jessica- I need you to push really hard, we've lost her heart rate and we need her out, she called emergency staff to get scrubbed up. I pushed and she wasn't coming out. This was about five pushes total now and I had thought she was almost out completely with the 3rd push. They wheeled me down the hallway with the top of my daughters head half in and half out! They were in such a hurry a nurse fell over under my bed and got ran over- Mike yelled woah, woah, woah to the others pulling my bed so they'd not completely squish her.

I remember bright lights completely blinding me and I felt out of it, I felt like my world had just crushed and all I wanted to do was lay there, but I knew this wasn't a good sign, and no matter what I had to keep going to get her out. I didn't want them to just cut me open, but I wanted my baby safe. At this point everyone was running around scrubbing up. Mike was tearing up at the thought of something being wrong or loosing our baby. He looked me in the eyes and said push babe- you gotta do this. 

I was ready to push again and I said I was gonna try if they let me- I was so worn out from the pain taking over my body, an empty stomach, the thoughts running through my head- everything! They let me try again and said whatever we had to do we had to do- there were about 12 nurses/surgeons in the room. I grabbed my knees and pushed harder than I've ever done anything in my life, with the help of forceps since she was already sticking out, just stuck- she was born. 

Call me anything you want- but I didn't cry, I don't know why, but I didn't. For those of you who really know me I cry if I find out your mother's uncle died, I cry when others cry, I'm a very sensitive person. I did with Chase -I remember being a complete emotional wreck. I knew I couldn't cry yet, because my daughter hadn't yet. They rubbed and rubbed her over and over and she just didn't make a peep. 

I kept asking if she was okay over and over. The doctor reassured me she was, but I hadn't heard her, seen her or held her yet. About five minutes later I finally heard her cry, but it just didn't sound normal. I asked her weight and if I could hold her, but they didn't hand her to me. They started explaining to me she had some major swelling and this could be causing her to sound like that, as well as fluid in her lungs and a hole in her belly- she had no belly button, just a straight view inside to her intestines. They couldn't get a normal heart rate on her. 

I had a VBAC so I could bond with my baby and not have her whisked off right away. The doctors said I could hold her for a few minutes, so they wrapped her up and handed her to me.  She didn't look "normal". That gut feeling took over and I still didn't cry, I teared up at the thought of something happening, but I felt like this wasn't happening to me. I just knew deep down something was wrong. They didn't have her measurements that was the last thing on their minds- The said she needed to be looked over closely in there NICU unit and they passed her through a window. 

So, they let Mike go back with her and sewed me up and brought me back to my room. Babyless. I never knew that I'd be without my baby- I carried her for 9 months, went through all the work and had no baby in my arms. I was crushed. I was worried. I was speechless. I was in a statelike coma. 

Finally about thirty minutes later I found out all the details.Emmry Adelynn 6.5 lbs 19/20 inches its still debated on.and born at 12:01 pm. They than told me she was being lifeflighted to Primary Children's in SLC. Mike could go with, but I had to stay there to recover. 

I had my wish- VBAC naturally- but I didn't have my wish of a healthy baby girl- but I guess you can't have your cake and eat it too. 

Continued about Emmry's birth/NICU stay later..